I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
