After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I want to fling myself into the sun
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
