why didn't you poke me back
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
