either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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