You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
