A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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