guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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