I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
