How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
