Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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