Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
