I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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