bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
