I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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