I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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