She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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