all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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