How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
