No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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