sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
