'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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