we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
