i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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