This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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