im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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