why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
