If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
