I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
