Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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