Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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