I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
