if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
