ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
