Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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