They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
