there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
