ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
