You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
