one two three fourrrrnication!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
