I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
