i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
