K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
