I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
