i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
