I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
