i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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