He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
