I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
