You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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