I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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