saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
