I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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