yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
