Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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